The RLP Playlist

I am currently a senior at an ELCA seminary.

This means that I have spent the past three and a half years learning about the faith and traditions, pushing myself to experience new ways of leadership, and over analyzing nearly every detail of who I am and who God is calling me to be. It has been marked, along the journey, with essays, interviews, projects, and many wonderful conversations. The pinnacle, of course, being a year long internship to really understand what life in ministry looks like.

Overall, I am convinced, now more than ever, that I was created to be a pastor. I have even begun using those Lutheran buzzwords like they have always been a part of my vernacular...However, this break through in identity formation does not make these final processes any easier. The paperwork that will go to congregations, once I am "approved", is due by Sunday.

In these moments of petrified uncertainty, I am seeking the wisdom of those who have come before me, who will come after me, and who are all-around inspiring. Here is the playlist that is marking this phase of the journey:

 Party in the ELCA by Taylor Wilson.
A journey into the ELCA candidacy process would not be complete without this gem!


We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel.
We didn't start the fire, contrary to what Neal and Will think. Jesus did. See Acts 2 for details.

Free to be Me by Francesca Battistelli.
I'm not perfect, but living this beautiful life in the power of the Spirit. Even though there have been great doubts along the way, I knew I'd make it here at some point.

God is not a White Man by Gungor.
My seminary journey was marked by many conversations about inclusive language. One of my BFF's joked about playing this during worship on internship. I really wish we would have!

I Love You and Buddha Too by Mason Jennings
Dear Jesus, I love you. I really do. This is not going to end up in my paperwork, but those who find me entering their community as pastor are going to see that God is bigger than I can understand.

Brave by Sara Bareilles.
Emmy just made my day by simply showing up at the campus center. She suggested this song. Beautiful!

Africa by Toto.
An oldie, but nothing gets me more excited about ministry than blessing the rains down in Africa. Plus it makes for an amazing dance party!

The Stable Song by Gregory Alan Isakov.
Simplistic beauty. Profound Words. If I could write a sermon as poetic as his lyrics I would be a happy camper.


The Lutheran Song by Lost and Found.
Similar to Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song but all about the Lutherans. We're proud, but not too proud.

Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons.
The title should say it all, but in that moment of thinking that there is nothing else, this song brings more to life. "In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. And where you invest your love, you invest your life."

Royals as Performed by Puddles.
I just really love his voice and how goofy this is.

Given Us a Heart by ???
Ok, so this may not be the real title of the song, but it is the video that my internship site made for me. As I reflect on this journey, I couldn't help but watch this video--yet again. I miss them!

Defying Gravity as performed in Wicked.
Nothing feels more powerful than the thought of seeing everything we have been working for come to fruition. We are defying gravity.



Eye of the Tiger by Survivor.
I had no idea who sings this, but it provides a great tune for 2 Timothy 1:9. "God saved us and called us with a holy calling. Not according to our works, but according to God's own purpose and grace. This grace was given to us in Christ Jesus. Before the ages." If you worked at Luther Park Bible Camp in Danbury, WI in 2007 or were a camper affected by this theme song, you know what I am talking about.

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us by Starship.
From the 80's movie Mannequin. Classy. I'm almost done with the paperwork, so nothing is going to stop me now!

Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga.
On the brink of completing the paperwork, we're living in the now but the not yet.

Current Addiction

My current addiction is this beautiful Youtube video.

Curious??

I dislike the song, quite a bit, but I love who is singing and how they are presenting it!

This has no relevance to anything life related, just a fun video for a Tuesday morning.

Enjoy the Day!

Catching Fire

On Thursday I was one of the lucky ones to see the Catching Fire premiere!

Now, in all honesty, I saw the first one about a week before seeing the new one. It was alright. Nothing overly great, in my opinion. But a good movie. Kids killing each other kind of freaks me out.

However, after seeing the second one, I am hunting down the books to read them! If, for nothing else than, discerning the theology behind the scenario. In the second movie, the victors, Katniss and Peeta, are called back into the arena because the dictating president wants to squelch the public power that they have achieved. The fact that two kids from the backwater district 12 can make a difference is throwing off the social norms and the people are rebelling.

Their goal throughout the movie is to find allies along the journey-something that is not always easy to do when trained killers and disastrous elements occur at any moment. Yet, they find strength, love, and (most importantly) hope in each other and the mission that they share. I was awestruck by the victors from another district, one young man and one older woman. She volunteered to keep the other girl safe from reliving the Hunger Games, and he in turn, took care of her. As they ran through the tropics, he would carry her on his back because of their connection and the love they shared. They also had an overarching sense of hope for what was to come after the games--even though she knew she would not make it out alive. It was a beautiful display of affection and the power of people working together.

It begs the question, is there anything that hope cannot do? If we lived to provide hope for the future, how can we change the world? In what ways does hope manifest itself in our daily lives?

Somedays, it is as simple as a Cheap Trick Song...

My adolescence has been plagued by this quotation from the 90's hit movie, 10 Things I Hate about You (or at least I think that was the teenie bopper movie that I developed too much love for...).

Somedays, it is as simple as a Cheap Trick Song...
I want you to want me...
I need you to need me...

This was/is the phrase that runs through my head when it comes to relationships. It is simplistic, to the point, and hits those raw emotions. I want you to want me. The phrase says it all, right?

Currently, amidst a relationship discernment moment, I realized that this hinging phrase for my life may be complete crap. I don't want you to want me...

I want me to want me
I need me to need me...

My role in the relationship, especially one trying to discern if it is a long term one, is not one of passivity but one about becoming fully present in who I am, so that I may be fully present with you. In seminarian geek speak, this is the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives: to be fully present to what God is doing in our lives that we may be unified in our differences. My wanting you to want me does not mean that I need to give up those fundamental building blocks of who I am. But, maybe, in relationship we can become more fully ourselves and fully present in the moment.

Ok, so maybe this phrase isn't complete crap because a person can be fully themselves and want someone to want them. However, I needed this reminder yesterday and today. I need to recognize my own passivity when it comes to new relationships and climb out of that to embrace authenticity.

Clinging to the Cross or to the Cell Phone?

In times of distress, fear, or uneasiness, the Lutheran tradition teaches us to cling to the cross of Christ. He will bring comfort, hope, mercy, faith, and love. 

Yet, as a girl of the 21st century, I find it so much easier to cling to the comfort of my smart phone. In times of distress, anxiety, fear, and stressfulness, my hand is glued to that magical button that awakens the power of the internet, the contact to close friends, and the ability to figure out what ever may be happening in the world. 

In times of not wanting to be present in the moment, it brings comfort and the opportunity to escape. In moments of broad communal distress, the Twitter feed becomes a way of processing. In the urges for the presence of people, in a moment I can become connected. However, it is not always this positive, euphoric tool. When I am waiting for that person to call me back, the moments inch by exceedingly slow. When my mom leaves the voicemail saying that my dad is in the hospital, I feel the need to become more connected. 

Can the crucified and resurrected Christ be present today in unconventional ways? I recently listened to a video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4WKle-GQwk) about how a man found Christ through the internet. He was suffering from a terminal illness and through the power of people of rallying for him to get a lung transplant he found Christ. The power of the cross became manifest in the lives of strangers whom he will never meet. The gospel message of love beyond all odds shone through as a deep entrenchment of community. 

I tend to find a similar form of comfort in my cell phone. I may not have a terminal illness but in moments of deep vulnerability I cling to my smart phone. I seek out whatever emotion I need at that time, and pray that I do so in appropriate ways. And I am becoming more and more clear, that this is not false idol worship, but instead an opportunity to engage my Christian heritage in a new way. It becomes a way to be present with my faith, culture, and daily life all at the same time. Maybe that was  the purpose of the cross in the early Christian church, to become a symbol of faith, culture, and daily life-all at the same time. A way to experience the life, death, and resurrection of the messiah. The prince of peace. The gift of the Holy Spirit. The trust in God's grace. The undeserved love and forgiveness from God. 

Satire and the Public Institution

At the seminary that I attend, I have been a part of many conversations regarding the role of satirical writing. It began at the beginning of the school year when one of the first pieces of seminary literature that I picked up was the school's satirical newspaper. The front page article was written with, what felt like, edginess towards the seminary's current predicaments. It called out key concepts of the seminaries identity and questioned their validity. All in all, the article stung.

It made me wonder, what is the role of satire in a public institution? I think of the modern day popular satirists, namely John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. How can their approach work so well, and this one just hurt? Through conversations with friends, we determined that good satirical writing stems from a place of respect, commitment, and love. This article attacking identity, did not. Therefore, it leaves a jarring discontent among those who care for the institution.

Since that article, two more issues have this satirical newspaper have come out. One issue sought to name an issue on campus by "playfully" raising a "hypothetical" situation that called out the character of the student classes....comments are left for the writer of that article only...

The current issue, is not as biting as the last two, but still calls out the character of people around campus in undeserving ways. This satirical newspaper has been distributed everywhere and is one of the first things that visitors pick up--like I did at the beginning of the school year. From my personal opinion, newspapers such as this instill a lack of trust and division in community. It is an unhealthy medium to release anxiety and frustration that does not promote healthy communication.

I'd be interested to hear more stories of how satirical writing is utilized in other institutions and venues. Is it ever appropriate and healthy? Does prolonged usage damage community in the long run? Can satire be effective for talking about tough issues of pain and hurt effectively?

"Hanging Out, Messing Around, and Geeking Out"

Lesson of the day: Don't write an abbreviated version of the syllabus to figure out assignments.

Definitely read the wrong book for class discussion today. But, I did find a fascinating chapter in A New Culture of Learning: Cultivating the Imagination for a world of Constant Change, by Douglas Thomas and John Seely Brown (http://www.newcultureoflearning.com). In chapter 8, they discuss how social media has changed the ways people interact with one another, calling the three phases of the framework "hanging out, messing around, and geeking out." These three phases directly correlate with fundamental development building blocks in a persons life: identity, embodiment, and indwelling.

Prior to the digital revolution (and my experience here is limited), identity was formed by the people one spent time with, embodiment was how they lived out the social role that was constructed, and indwelling were lessons along the way. In high school, a person could be highly influenced by peer groups and that could have a radical impact on the person's life. For better, or for worse, the social media craze has changed who people interact with and how they interact.

So, people seek out these social constructs; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, Pinterest, etc. seeking identity, community, and the opportunity to be "in the know."It allows people to find their passions and follow them, even if their passion includes pictures of cats in tights (http://www.boredpanda.org/cats-wearing-tights-meowtfit/).

It makes me curious about how the world that I will teach and preach in is changing. What will be the best ways to share the gospel message in a digital culture? How can we access the benefits of technology without breaking the bank? Where do we draw the boundary between deep exploration and a waste of time?

Do we Fear Big Brother or Little Brother?

I often find myself in transit.
Moving from home to school to work.
Organizing my mind from classwork to paperwork to real work.
Readjusting my perceptions of the world we live in as I learn more.

How does  this question play into our roles as "Christian Public Leaders?" If we are the public person being watched and doing the watching, how does this interface with our preaching and teaching?
Most of this transitional time is spent in the car and my newly found best friend-NPR. As I was driving to the gym the other day I encountered a fascinating interview. The person being interviewed was a press correspondent for the President and he made an interesting observation about how smart phones have completely changed the ways people communicate. Now, instead of just the White House Press marking the President's every move, the average person has the opportunity to let their opinions weigh in. He raised the question, "We fear "big brother" watching our every move, but what about "little brother?"(those social media outlets that document a person's life).

It made me think about the WELCA (Women of the ELCA) gathering that I attended last fall. In Phoenix, AZ, I ran into a wonderful woman from my home congregation. We said hello, shared a hug, and she proceeded to introduce me to the person she was with. As she was introducing me, she gave a very accurate, current and detailed account of my life. The side note to this story is that we had not spoken over the phone or in person in over a year. How could she know all of these things? Where was this information coming from? Well, it was certainly not my mother. She acquired her information from Facebook. Because of social media, my own posts as well as friends posts, she was able to introduce me to a complete stranger.

Which leads me to the question, how does "little brother" effect the lives of the public person? As I am training to become a pastor (a very public person), I am learning that my words and actions matter in ways I never dreamed possible. Wearing too high of heels can get a scolding. Posting politically leaning articles on Facebook could alienate some voices. The newspaper will spin quotations out of control (yep, been there!).

Assuming that "little brother" is not going away and will most likely become more intense, how do we grapple with it in a proactive way? How do we keep tabs on the good, the bad, and the ugly that arise from people being able to express any and all opinions? At what points have we lost or enhanced communication?

Most importantly, Come

Last night, as I was getting to know a new friend, we spent much of the night talking about the importance of giving back. We both highly regard giving back to the community that gives us so much, and had a wonderful conversation about how giving is not just about monetary donations but requires a person's whole self.

This morning, I came across a beautiful article: http://shelovesmagazine.com/2013/come-margins/. In this article, she talks about coming into those places that are unfamiliar with yourself and recognizing that you are not the savior. You are simply a person, deeply connected to another person. She powerfully writes,

"Come, but don’t come to save. Come to be alongside on a journey. Offer your hand and your own stories of your grandmother, the first college graduate in your family. Your experiences of sports training and team camaraderie, your illnesses and academic struggles. Bring your brokenness, your loneliness, your confusion and doubts.

Come to the margins with your songs and stories, painting and photographs, teaching plans, and financial portfolios. Come with all your creativity and labor and insights and experiences.

Come to the margins bringing your addiction to accumulating stuff, the idolizing of money and appearance. Bring your fear of not measuring up, your envy and greed.

Come to the margins and find joy there, creativity, hard work, companionship, forgiveness, and a great sense of humor. Come and join and see the unique strengths and gifts and, if necessary, with humble wisdom, offer a hand. Receive a hand.

Come to the margins, aware of your own poverty and of how it doesn’t define you and of how it drives you to your knees and makes you desperate for God. Come but don’t use the margins as a place to soothe your conscience."

....

This is a wonderful reminder today that we all bring our own presumptions to every situation. The key is being able to name your own strengths and insecurities without imposing them on others. I am humbled and empowered by this article and pray that I may have the humility to enter into each situation recognizing the other person's humanity.

The Results are In...

My dear friend Allison posted this FREE Ennegram App today on Facebook--score! Long ago, we spent many hours talking about the meanings of the different personality types and became really excited for this diametric. So, needless to say, when she posted her picture I had to post one too. 

When I first heard of the Enneagram, I quickly realized that I was a nine because of my tendencies to avoid conflict, seek peace, and easily withdraw. As I read more about being a nine, there have been multiple realizations and opportunities to recognize my own internal patterns. So far, despite my egos objections, the reports have been pretty spot on. I was thankful, taking the test for the first time, to have my own nine tendencies confirmed. This is especially due to many people saying I do not appear like a nine. My bold and sassy (socialized) persona tricks people occasionally. 

This recent experiment further proves how effective the Enneagram Diametric is in group dynamics. It is helpful to create space for people to learn which number they are and how they interact with others. Once a person is able to own and understand why they do what they do and how they respond, then progress can be made towards strengthening work environments and team building. 

Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue

I seem to begin blog projects with great intentions. As life gets busier, my heart does not reside in this particular digital medium and I tend to lose interest and my grand intentions. In fact, the times when I feel most compelled to blog are when the heart is hurting and I am looking for some type of emotional outlet to release the pain or anxiety. Blogging first became popular when I was in high school, and the ways that it manifested were not always the healthiest.

Since those hormone filled days of expressing feelings without realizing the ramifications of ones words, blogging has taken on a new life in the social media spectrum. Due to a class project, I am here to give it another try and experience this type of online journaling forum. It feels completely foreign but will possibly have some really wonderful effects.

Here is to new experiences.

Cheers.